G.I. Joe

Yup, it’s official. I have now seen everything there is to see in prison. I had heard about these people in Texas, but I could never really wrap my mind around it. Today I saw a transsexual man in prison. He had shoulder-length hair kept just like a woman, a feminine swagger, and BREASTS. I’m not joking.

Normal homosexual men are common everywhere in prison, but this is a lot more rare. Why anyone would willingly attract this kind of attention in prison is beyond my comprehension. Looking like a woman around men that haven’t had access to a female in 20 years is basically asking to be raped.

“She” was walking around the unit as an orderly, and I did see someone inquiring about her “services.” Hearing his voice and watching his movements caught my total attention. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, and I couldn’t look away. Finally, my subconscious had to step in and save me.

SC: Stop looking at that guy, Joe.

Me: Huh?

SC: Staring at him is gonna earn us the wrong kind of attention from the other inmates. Right now we’re safe from being called a chomo, but they are still going to call us something. Imagine them taunting us as G.I. Joe.

Me: Government Issue Joe? That doesn’t make any sense.

SC: Not government issue, you fool. GAY INMATE. G.I. Joe – A Real Homosexual Zero.

Me: Ouch.

SC: Right. Now quit staring before Cobra Commander thinks we’re interested, and shoves his snake up our foxhole.

Me: (Gulp) Thanks for the timely information. Now I know.

SC: And knowing is half the battle!™

G.I. JOE