When I left Oklahoma City and stepped off the plane in Georgia, I thought I would be bussed out to my new designated prison that same day. No. Instead, they bring me to a detention center in Atlanta, and that’s where I’ve been rotting for the past two weeks.
Why do I call this place Hades? BECAUSE IT IS. Conditions are so bad here, I think I’d rather take my chances with the medium level gremlins at my final destination.
To start off, this “detention center” would be called “The Hole” anywhere else. Inmates are on 23-hour lockdown here. You get 1 hour on the weekdays for “recreation” and believe me, nobody really has time to enjoy themselves since you have to fight a billion other inmates to take care of your business.
Inmates have 60 precious minutes to compete for:
- taking a shower
- using the law library
- checking email
- using the phone
- exchanging clothes / sheets
During the golden hour, you have to choose your battle wisely since you will spend most of your time waiting in line to do any one thing.
The food trays here are terrible. The portion sizes seem intended for five-year-olds rather than grown men. You’re almost thankful for the tiny portions, though, because what you get tastes like garbage anyway. After trying the meatloaf here, I swear this must be the recipe:
Ground hamster, cardboard box, ketchup. Bake at 350°F, and ready an alibi for when the other inmates accuse you of attempted murder.
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